tea and boats.
Posted by felicia
on September 10, 2005 at 17:16:32:
i have a friend who is teaching english in china for 10 months. she posted a blog about missing cheese grits, sweet tea and super target. this was my reply...and i wanted to share it with you...
Yeah. I know what you mean. well not the china part. but the want for something "normal" like target or sweet tea or in my case a good friend and trip to the movies or not paying double for everything i buy .
it's strange isn't it how the amount of time we see can seem like our entire, entire life. as though we'll be dead at the end of the 10 months or 2 years, that this is all we get to live....maybe you don't feel that way, but i do. for some reason i feel like i'm missing out on everything i'm supposed to be doing because i'm here, in the hardest place i've ever been. i'm beginning to realise the battle involved in this. it's freakin hard, not because i'm a bad and selfish person or pathetic "missionary". but partly because we don't battle against flesh and blood. my every waking moment is a major fight, and i doubt it stops when i eventually fall asleep. so it's no wonder is it, i just want to run far away. far, far, far away into the arms of someone who will console and comfort me and kiss all the wounds better, someone who will stroke my hair until i fall asleep in contentment. but that isn't my reality even though it's what my soul screams for. my reality is more like a small wooden boat drifting out to sea in the midst of a storm...it's not knocked off course but...it's getting lashed, battered and bruised. the little boat will wear marks of this time. there will be stories one day of victory and safe passage. but all that surrounds the tiny vessel is so overwhelming the sight of future hope is drowned out. this is hard. and i will survive, of that i'm sure...it just doesn't feel like it. my eyes are slowly opening to more and more. i can see more of the reality of this time and this place. it's not at all what i expected...trust me....not at all. however, i know that one day i when it's all said and done and i'll know. and i'll be so grateful for this time of training, preparation, refining, moulding, pruning, dying, cultural immersion, and desperation. i will be better for it. it is necessary for where i'm going. i'm going into deeper and harder places one day. it is a long struggle.
God told me this morning that He has annointed and appointed me. i must have what i need to complete the task before me. again...it just doesn't feel like it. i find so much comfort in the fact that david was also desperate and cried out to God, that he also struggled and sinned. and after all of that God still beamed and said "He's a man after My heart".
if only i could just drive over that cooper river for a cheese burger, fries and sweet iced tea (with free refills) from the boulevard diner. i think that would make everything better, don't you?
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