because He's worthy.
Posted by felicia
on August 12, 2005 at 19:19:00:
i'm at the seamill centre now as i'm typing this. this weekend we celebrate the marriage of one of our school leaders. it's a bit of a reunion about 1/3 of my dts class will be here by sunday. it's been soooo nice to talk and laugh and cry and drink coffee and have meals together. just like old times.
there really are people in this world that are completely irreplaceable - no one can even begin to touch the place that they posses in your heart.
i've been desperate for a revelation. i've been aching for it. i've been in what has seemed to be an endless place of frustration, so much so that my body has been beginning to react to it. my shoulders and neck are so tense that i've had a migrane for 3 days. i've wrestled and wrestled with the question of what am i doing?!?!?!?! did i make a mistake, what is this about, who, what, how, where and all that.
last night when being completely and brutaly open with thomas the answer came. it was nearly 2:30 in the morning, i was verbalising how i don't understand anything but the one thing i do know is that we can do anything because God is worth it. tears immediately followed the words. i finally understand what all of this is about. i finally know why i am here and how i can get through this time that is so hard. it is all worth it, not only because there will be change in the lives of the children and youth here, not only because- God willing, there will be a change in scotland, not only because i will be changed, regardless of any of the goals and expectations i've set or that have been set including me, nevermind any of it. i don't want to carry it anymore.
i can do this because He is worthy.
i can give up my rites. i can sacrifice what is asked of me. i can push forward. i can fight. i can stand. even if all i can do is stand because He is worthy.
i can only live moment by moment. i can't predict what it looks like. but at least i have a goal. my goal is to lay it all down...again.
because.
He is worthy.
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