Felicia Lowther :: my journal

today.

Posted by felicia. on June 27, 2005 at 21:03:11:

i don't know what it is about right now. these past several days. ever since i spoke to hailey online, i've been a bit broken hearted. i've been feeling homesick. not for the us. or south carolina or even charleston really. but jessica. hailey. lindsey. kirsten. jake. adam. joel. coffee. books. scary movies on friday nights. talking in the car even though we were meant to have said goodbye hours before. chilis. starbucks on king street and south windermere. walking around downtown in the middle of the night with shoes off. my bed. there's something certain about one's own bed. my own shower. my huge bedroom. my own kitchen that contains cabinets of the dishes and glasses that i picked out. my place.

but i have the certainty of God's promise for now. i don't understand what i am doing here right now. i know that i cried and prayed and cried more to be here. in this country that i fell in love with. it's this not seeing what i really have to offer in this specific place at this specific time that has shaken me. i am in unfamiliar territory. i can't accel in this current position. is that just pride? i like to be the best i can be at whatever it is i pour myself into, but i don't feel like i'm any good at what i'm doing. i do not think that i'm not where i'm supposed to be, i just wonder what is this about. am i here for the ministry i'm committed to for the next 2 years. am i here for the house and the staff. am i here for the classes of radical world changers that will come in and out of this place over the next years. am i here for the long termers. am i here for the future. am i here for the past. Lord show me.

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Re: today.

Posted by jessica on June 30, 2005 at 01:53:13:

felicia we miss you too. but we are so proud of you and know that God has you there for some reason. he will show you. be the supporting kind friend we all love.

Re: today.

Posted by Mum on June 28, 2005 at 23:29:50:

Take heart my child. He will show you!

Re: today.

Posted by helpin hand on July 01, 2005 at 18:48:39:

many times through out lifes span even the greatest of minds question whats all of it worth. They do the things they do not for graditude or restitution but because thats what they believe is right and that thats why they believe they are here. Your heart is a tricky thing. If you start to question were it is taking you. Usually its time to start using your brain. The only thing to be said is, your heart will lead you to an unforgiving place, never asking why, its leaves always tears tumbling down your face