why.

July 15, 2005
"why should i fear man, when You made the heavens.
why should i be afraid, when You put the stars in place.
why should i lose heart, when i know how great You are.
why should i give up, when Your plans are full of love
in this worldwe will have trouble, but You have overcome the world.
You shine brighter than the brighest star
Your love purer than the purest heart. You shine, filling us with courage and strength to follow You"
(view comments)

today.

June 27, 2005
i don't know what it is about right now. these past several days. ever since i spoke to hailey online, i've been a bit broken hearted. i've been feeling homesick. not for the us. or south carolina or even charleston really. but jessica. hailey. lindsey. kirsten. jake. adam. joel. coffee. books. scary movies on friday nights. talking in the car even though we were meant to have said goodbye hours before. chilis. starbucks on king street and south windermere. walking around downtown in the middle of the night with shoes off. my bed. there's something certain about one's own bed. my own shower. my huge bedroom. my own kitchen that contains cabinets of the dishes and glasses that i picked out. my place.
but i have the certainty of God's promise for now. i don't understand what i am doing here right now. i know that i cried and prayed and cried more to be here. in this country that i fell in love with. it's this not seeing what i really have to offer in this specific place at this specific time that has shaken me. i am in unfamiliar territory. i can't accel in this current position. is that just pride? i like to be the best i can be at whatever it is i pour myself into, but i don't feel like i'm any good at what i'm doing. i do not think that i'm not where i'm supposed to be, i just wonder what is this about. am i here for the ministry i'm committed to for the next 2 years. am i here for the house and the staff. am i here for the classes of radical world changers that will come in and out of this place over the next years. am i here for the long termers. am i here for the future. am i here for the past. Lord show me.
(view comments)

oh man.

June 06, 2005
last night at the praise service at st. ninians was one of those mind clearing moments when one thinks...what have i gotten myself in to.
there were a load of the children up at the front of the church, which is where we sit with them, the front right. there were two children who could not seem to keep from yelling at full volume back and forth. and hitting each other and jumping about and banging about. they were just doing their usual thing i suppose. it was just the first time that i'd been witness, also the first time i'd been somewhat "in charge" of them. i found myself getting very stressed and feeling like there was nothing i could do about the situation of these kids being wild and distracting. i found myself overwhelmed. i felt as though i'd really gotten in over my head. and when discussing it after with some of my team, it seems that this was really not all that bad for them. that at times the children can be found crawling under the pues in the church. oooh man. after the service and the tea i was dropped off at mossvale church to visit with the old crew. i went home with Pastor Robert and Jeanne Chalk (sooo good!).
i found their home to be a shelter. and Pastor Chalk really encouraged me saying that if one is called then one must fight for it. that it's not an easy place, the people are not easy people. This is where I know God has called me for such a time as this. I don't understand it. I can't comprehend, and I doubt I ever will. I don't have what it takes, but my Father does. He never said it was gonna be easy. I've not even see hard yet. I must find His strength daily, moment by moment. I must hear and speak His words for not only this community, or this lovely country, but for each child, each adult, friend, leader, co-laborer, and family member. I have not a thing to give except what My Father bestows upon me. I know this. How it works it way out on a daily basis when life is happening full force is an entirely different matter indeed. But the truth remains true. How great the Father's love for us. How Faithful. How Mighty He is. How great His love for me.
(view comments)

week one.

June 05, 2005
i can't believe it's only been a week. i feel like i've been here for ages, even though it's all still really new.
today was my first sunday in church @ st. ninians. it was a lot different than what i am used to!
i can't remember ever using hymnals for worship, but we do @ st. ninians. it's a church of scotland, so there is a certain way to things that is different than seacoast...for sure.
AND THE MINISTER MADE ME STAND UP "TO BE WELCOMED"...oh the horror.
THEN it was off to sunday school with us. which was also a very different sort of thing than what i have experience with. i'm a bit overstimulated from sunday school and must have a rest.
these kids need prayer as they develope. i felt today that there is a real need to pray against the spirit of rejection amoungst these kids and amoungst their community. it creates so many walls and barriers. it seems to be more previlant amoungst the girls. the other thing to pray over them is the fruit of the spirit.
love, joy, peace, patience, gentleness, goodness, faithfulness, and self-control.
there's actually quite a good study aid online if you would like to really learn about the fruit of the spirit and thus how to pray it over ones-self or over the kids of ferguslie park. http://www.crossroads.ca/response/fruits.htm
some of their names:
ryan, rachel, karen, andrea, nicole, andrew, allister, kellie, lana...more to come!
(view comments)

scotland.

June 04, 2005
area: 30,141 sq mi
Population: 5.1 million
Capital city: Edinburgh
People: Celts, Anglo-Saxons
Language: English, Gaelic
1. Revivals: in the past centuries and the localised revivals of the northeast coast in 1925 and Lewis in the Hebrides in the 1950s need to be repeated on a national scale.
2. Scotland has sent out great men and women to bless the world such as David Livingstone, Robert Moffat, Mary Slessor and Eric Liddell. May this good tradition continue!
3. The stirrings of new life in the Church of Scotland is encouraging. the rapid increases in numbers evangelical theological students and ministers is changing the church. Pray that the call to re-evangelism Scotland may be heeded.
4. Pray for church growth all over Scotland, especially the areas where Protestant numbers are low. Strathclyde, Scotland's most densely populated area, has the lowest percentage of Protestants, and the Aberdeen area the highest percentage of non-church goers.
(view comments)

here i am.

May 30, 2005
i made it :)
it took a loooong time. but i had favour. i almost lost 2 very important thigs twice, but there was someone nice in both cases there to recover it and not steal it! wooo! thank you Jesus!
i'm settling in, it's still all strange. it's a very different house from the seamill centre...but i have my own room! yessss. and at the moment i have a pink sock monkey taped to the wall (thank you neal?) and at the moment i have 2 cases of clothes that i haven't found a place for yet..hmmm.....i'll be searching the empty bedrooms for hangers. dont tell. hopefully sometime this week i will be returning to the seamill centre to see the peeps and collect my belongings. i will hope against all hopes that my rocky racoon is actually in that attic somewhere...two fingers crossed.
ttfn.
love.
(view comments)